Farewell, My Hangover

Time to wake up from my sleep paralysis

Whatever step I’ve taken for participating in social media, there has always been someone in my life accounting for it. Facebook, Instagram, Quora, 9GAG, you name it, I started using them because it was bridge to connect me and a specific person. Girlfriend, best friend, old friend, all of them were behind my introduction to social networking sites. 10 months, 2 weeks, 2 days and 2 hours later I realized that ‘someone’ for which I started blogging was entirely me.

What I am doing now, right at this moment, is that I’m writing here on this platform, for me, my satisfaction, and for those 10-12 people living in a different city, country, and continent, who want to know about my whereabouts and have been meaning to read my blogs for a long time. I often have a language barrier. My english isn’t that great usually, and god help me when I’m so philosophically deep. I myself don’t understand what the fuck am I writing when I’m pouring my heart out. But those who want to make an effort to understand my blogs, will ultimately know what I want to convey.

First and foremost, thank you to those who persuaded me to write again. I will always be grateful to you. I think I’ve gained much more wisdom in these past 10 months, than I have in my entire life. And one of the most important things I realized is that you can never undo your past. You will make mistakes, and will probably make more. But you should continue to make efforts to learn from it. Learn to forgive and let go. Because regrets suck the life out of you. You see, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, obviously. But when life gave me lemons, I squeezed it in alcohol and sat in a corner drinking and thinking where did I go wrong. I probably was at my lowest point last year, I was pretty much fucked. You don’t want to know the story, because it’s the usual.

I was however, mentally relaxed in mid year 2016 since I had a stable internship, so whatever side I was showing to people wasn’t really me since I was guarded by a thick metal armor of financial security. But my true identity came out when my internship got over and I was a student once again in last quarter of 2016. It is when we are under pressure that our true colors come out, when the ego’s ass is put to the fire and we become the gateway between our survival self and doing what is humane and expressing integrity. If you think about it, it is really easy to be a nice person when there is no pressure in your life. It is easy to give money to those in need when you have it in your wallet. It is easy to smile when you’re already laughing. It is easy to dance when you are in love with someone or with life itself. You don’t mind donating money or doing extra favors when you have the time. Even arguing is ok when you are feeling fine otherwise. But, put some pressure on the same person and you may be face to face with a demon, a nasty one to be precise.

Here’s a summary of what I went through in the last few quarters:

• Got my heart broken, and assumed I would successfully deal with it like my previous ones. Needless to say, I was wrong
• Made new friends while I was in Atlanta, had a really good experience working in a company called Verizon
• Exercised like an animal to lose the fat and bullshit I had filled myself with
• Started reading Quora, a lot. I was breathing it day and night.
• Went through a series of mentally stressful situations due to my academics, job search and my wonderful past
• Isolated myself from everyone and everywhere for 3 months after graduation

And then I did what I do best. I unfucked myself. I started being who I was before all that stuff happened that dimed my fucking shine. Just like you warriors, I gave multiple shots to get back on track. And after going through a series of disastrous and unstoppable attempts to recover myself, I managed to sail through. Only this time, I am far more prepared to deal with my future. I’m now a corporate individual, working as an analyst in the financial industry doing what I’ve always loved: crunching numbers.

Out of all this, there is one valuable piece of wisdom which I have jotted down in my mind: Relationships are not necessarily meant to last forever, and that it’s possible to have a successful one that runs its course and leaves behind two people who are better for having been a part of it. In other words, “Forever” is not a measure for success.

This is not a trend and I don’t expect to write on a weekly basis. I will do it when it should be done. By writing this blog tonight, I don’t expect people to like or comment here. I don’t even know if anyone is going to read it. What I do expect is that I will sleep peacefully tonight knowing that I’ve at least started somewhere, by writing again.

This epilogue is for you, October Woman. Thank you for making me realize my mistakes and unknowingly making me a better person. I’ve learnt a lot of from you, and us. And for that, I raise you a glass of the finest Glenlivet Scotch!

 

Harvard & The Big Giant of America – Part 2/2

Circa late 90’s

My father had received a prestigious award for his outstanding performance. He was one of the top performing employees in ONGC, and I believe the most honest and hardworking person I have seen in my life. He later continued to win many other awards, followed by ridiculously incredible promotions. Neighbors, colleagues and relatives had arrived at our house to convey their wishes.

Relative 1: I am so happy for you uncle, really you’ve made all of us so happy

Relative 2: Congratulations uncle, you’ve reached a milestone in your career and life by achieving this.

Neighbor 1: Absolutely stunning Mr Shukla. We all are very proud of you and the reputation you’ve built in ONGC

Colleague 1: Mr Shukla, you come from those rare bunch of people who have outperformed spectacularly. Now we only have to wait when your son reaches in your footsteps.

Colleague 2: Yes Mr Shukla, we all have high hopes from your son too. He is going to make you proud one day.

*The son is being referred to as my elder brother*

Circa 2004

Similar scenario. This time my brother has got an admit in a very prestigious college due to his outstanding performance in high school and entrance exams. Everybody had come to congratulate him. He was getting ‘attaboy’ from his friends, family, relatives, high school faculty. My father was really proud of him. I was really proud and happy for him.

Everybody who knew me and my family had nothing but pure respect for my father due to his simplistic nature and flawless attitude towards his work, for my brother due to his incredible intelligence and performance in high school and college, and for my mother for being a daredevil in literature, receiving many awards, including several National Awards for her work. And that’s when I realized, I had no role in this. Nobody really saw me as a shining example. Nobody really gave any ‘attaboy’ to me during those years. Maybe because I never really was an overachiever, couldn’t live up to the expectations of my parents. Everybody had an image of my elder brother , not me, becoming an example like my father. I was too little and innocent that time to realize these shortcomings in me. But few years later, I did.

Good evening everyone! Love and blessings to all my readers. This time I am not just writing this blog for myself, but for those people who have been jumping in anticipation for the second part. Few hours after I finished part 1, some of the readers became too eager to read part 2. Few of those ‘some’ sent me messages to upload the second part as soon as possible. And one of those few actually called me up and said, “You better finish the part 2 really fucking quick or I come down there and kick your ass”. All these comments, threats and anticipations has only made me happy. These people really love my writing. I am really very touched with the response I get for my blogs, especially this blog. Alright enough of the emo-talk, and back to business.

As I mentioned in part 1, after facing a series of issues and battling them during 2009-2013, I believed I had proved enough to myself. Unlike before, I started treating myself and my priorities with the required seriousness and maturity it deserved. Immediately after securing a job in a company which was almost on a totally different tangent from my field, I was under the impression that this would be my biggest achievement. It wasn’t. It never was, for there was something else, something bigger waiting to happen for me. After I began working in this firm, I learnt a lot of new things, on a personal as well as professional front. Shortly after working for a year, I got promoted in June for ‘outperforming’ for 5 consecutive months. And then next month I was surprisingly promoted again for performing even better. Working in the field of data analysis had me all pumped up for wanting to pursue a Master’s degree (MS) in Business Analytics. 6 months after I got the second promotion, I received a letter from Drexel University, located in Pennsylvania, USA. Based on my GRE, academic performance, and work experience , the university offered me admission in the MS Business Analytics program. My course was supposed to start from September 2015, which meant I had about 7 more months of work tenure remaining in my firm. On my final day in the firm my team manager, CEO, and VP of the firm called me in front of the entire office and congratulated me for my admission, and wished me all the best for my future endeavors. Before finishing their speech, they also added that I had become a valuable asset for the firm and that I had built a really good reputation in the firm. I had been waiting for so long to hear these words. And then I left for USA.

Shortly after beginning my masters in Business Analytics, I studied and grasped knowledge from subjects, those of which I never imagined I would be taking in my life. I went and am still going through a series of courses in Statistics such as data mining, mutlivariate analysis, customer analytics. I studied various courses in Operations Research such as sequencing models, network problems and game theory. And then I studied Management Information Systems from which I learnt to use analytical softwares like SAS for building those sequencing models. Yes as boring as these words may sound to you, these subjects are preciously valued in the field of technology and are responsible for the modernization of the society, and I am proud to be a part of it. After grasping some level of knowledge in analytics, I received an email from a company to which I had sent my resume. They were wanting me to give a series of interviews for an internship in Atlanta for a position they and I both wanted to fill. After a long run of video interviews, phone interviews, and HR interviews, I received the internship offer from them. That company is Verizon (circled in red in the featured image), or in other words ‘The Giant of America’. Verizon is known as an American broadband and telecommunications company, and is the largest U.S. wireless communications service provider. Few minutes after I received the offer from them, I sat on my bed, stunned for a few minutes. I was literally speechless and numb for sometime. I had got an opportunity to work in a company with an annual revenue of $ 132 Billion, having an annual profit of $ 18 Billion. I will never forget that day.

So now, the doubt arises. What is my biggest achievement?

Is it my 100 lbs weight loss I did 5 years ago? No.

Is it my will to start writing, creating this website? No

Is it me bagging a job in a company (not verizon) which was almost on a totally different tangent from my field? No

Is it the promotions I received from that company? No

Is it the admit I got from Drexel Univeristy? No

Is it my will to conquer every single disaster in my life? No

Is it Verizon? Well…..no

My biggest achievement actually, is The Big Giant Realization that there is literally no limit to what I can achieve in my life. Usually in our society if someone praises themselves, we consider them a jerk or someone we regard as ignorant, thereby taking them in a negative light. But I really don’t care about that. I am proud of my achievements, some of which I never actually believed would happen. And I realized there really is no limit to what I can conquer, and that truly is my biggest achievement because it gives me the will to move to greater heights. My elder brother, as expected has lived beyond everybody’s expectations and is now living a happy married life with a wonderful wife, a kick ass job, and a secured future. I couldn’t be more happy for him. But those people who rightly predicted my brother’s future, are somewhat dumbfounded to realize the potentials of me, the other son of Mr Shukla. Nevertheless, they wish me the best. I myself was dumbfounded when I came to know about this achievement. And now that I realize, I am going to make good use of it.

So with this piece, I finish another one of my blogs, and will start preparing for my journey. I leave for Atlanta in a few days, all geared up and waiting to start a professional experience in Verizon. I have discovered my biggest achievement,but the question is, when will you?

Harvard and The Big Giant of America – Part 1/2

Circa March 2013

Interviewer: what do you know about ‘market research’. How much significance in your opinion does market research hold in today’s corporate world?

Me: market research would particularly mean a thorough research into a specific industry or a company in order to properly acquire knowledge of its business, hence try to locate loopholes, if any, and improve them.

Interviewer: and..its contribution?

Me: As an analyst I would be able to provide business reports with the development of a market leading database while dealing with various concepts such as market intelligence, data analysis, qualitative and quantitative research.

Interviewer: Why did you choose this field? Do you think you could make a difference?

Me: Although I come from an engineering background, I started doing website evaluation articles for brands such as ‘GAP’, ‘bet365’ and ‘Nascar’ as a hobby during my 3rd year of undergrad college in 2012. I explained briefly about the brand, gave the revenue statistics, and enlightened details about the website ranging from product viewing to customer feedback, using the 7 C’s framework model analysis: community, correctness, context, content, communication, consistency, and credibility. Since then, I have developed a keen interest in research, whether it is in the field of marketing or market, and I made it my aim to pursue my career in it.

*after asking me a couple of more batshit analytical questions*

Interviewer: Thank you for your time. We will let you know of the results in a week

Do you know the feeling you get when you’re told you are hired? Have you ever experienced it, the nervousness, the anxiety, the constant agitation or uneasiness you get thinking you might have goofed up in the interview? Yes? No? That’s what I was wondering 2 days ago while crunching on a protein bar, on my way to the gym. And also wondering how did I reach from ‘literally nothing’ to ‘adequately something’.

Usually some people have it easy for them. They are living a normal, sane life, then one day decide to give an interview for a company, and few weeks later, BAM! They got the job. But for people like me, who are familiar with making compromises on a daily basis, don’t have it so easy. I have made compromises in almost every aspect of my life. Actually to be honest, literally every aspect of my life. There isn’t a single thing god has bestowed upon me with the attitude “Bro, just take it”. No, I had to work pretty hard, for days, weeks, months, maybe years, and I still wouldn’t sure whether I would achieve it. It’s like I have been fighting a battle I cannot hope to win. Again to be honest, when I was doing my undergrad education from 2009 – 2013, I never believed I would be able to bag a job, because I never really believed that I would make a breakthrough in ‘Mechanical Engineering’. No seriously, I really didn’t. And that’s true, I never did any wonders, at least not in the core technical field of Mechanical. That’s the difference between the education system of India and other countries. In India, its when you’re about to complete your final year, that you realize what you actually want to do in life.

My journey from 2009 to 2013 wasn’t a smooth flow at all. In fact it was like a pattern of alternating currents (AC): fluctuations with lots and lots of ups and downs, mostly downs. Quite a few incidents and mistakes I committed led to my downward spiral during the first two years. These incidents motivated me later by kicking my ass in the upper direction so hard, that I reached for the stars. I had experienced a lot of things during those 4 years. How could I even begin to describe it. I never expected it to be so surprising and thrilling. The years which happened to be unexpected, which became life changing, which will forever be unforgettable.These years changed me from one form to another,both physically and mentally in multiple ways than I could imagine. The person I was when I entered the college in 2009 was a lot, lot, lot more different than the person I had evolved into when I left college in 2013. I firmly believe that many of us have had to fight hardcore battles, sometimes do the unthinkable in order to reach where we would normally wouldn’t dream of. I did too, really hard. I fought academic battles, friendship battles, commitment battles, depression battles, obesity battles, and in the end of 2011, I gained 2 things which no one could dare to take away from me: experience and wisdom. Starting 2012, I took my personal and academic matters pretty seriously. By that time, I had realized the amount of potential I had as a person who could exercise so much that he would able to shed 100 lbs (45 kgs) of weight, and the amount of potential I had as a person who could do wonders in the field of data analysis.

Yes, with a lot of developments which happened in my life during that time, this was the most bizzare. I, a student of Mechanical Engineering could never hope or imagine that I would see myself working as a ‘Research Analyst’ doing hardcore data analysis. But that’s how life works, it makes you do things you never imagined you would do. During the last stage of my final year in 2013 I had reached a level where I had proved enough to myself and everyone of my capabilities. I didn’t feel the need to prove any further. And that’s when I received the following phone call:

Circa April 2013

Me: Hello? Yea who’s this?

Interviewer: Hi, we are calling to let you know of the results of the interview you gave one week ago

Me: yes please, go on

Interviewer: Congratulations! The management is really impressed with your answers and view for data analysis in the field of market research. After going through your resume, we are pleased to offer you a position in our company. You will be joining our team of consulting handling materials and automotive industries.

An 18 year old guy with low self confidence who thought he could never convince any company to hire him, had now turned into a 22 year old guy with unmatched confidence, who managed to impress a management team to a level that they hired him, and this team wasn’t even from his domain. Not only did I got hired, I would be working in my desired field, which would compel me more and more to succeed in this field. I finally got to know what it felt like to have your first real job in your hand. I still remember how happy I was that day, really really happy. I don’t think I had experienced this much level of contentment before. And luckily for me, since I was in a public place everyone around me was smiling, which made the moment even more memorable.

I really thought, that bagging a job in a company which was almost on a totally different tangent from my field, would be my biggest achievement. But I was so wrong. And this is why this blog doesn’t end here. If you have the courage to survive this blog, you would be more than comfortable to read its sequel, because it is in the next part where I would want to tell you what my biggest achievement actually is. An achievement which would probably solve the puzzle of this blog’s title.