Strong relationships are built on the concept of a marathon, not a sprint.
Its a lazy Saturday evening here and I am trying to watch an episode of “Whose Line is it Anyway” while regretting that I had probably too many potatoes for dinner last night. Going through all this and I realize maybe the best way to divert myself is probably write. So there’s my motivation: lazy weekend, a comedy show, and some potatoes. That’s what does it for me. It scares me that I don’t find this weird.
Anyway, unlike before where I focus on one specific topic to write about, I would be focusing on 2 things. Both revolve around the same concept though, personal relationships.
1)The remedy for a breakup
For the last 3 months (4 maybe) I have been thinking and analyzing how do we manage to deal with personal calamities like heartbreaks/breakups, and moreover how do we survive them? Is there any specific factor which makes a contribution? Is it time? It could be time but then again, it depends from case to case. I have personally gone through something from which I still haven’t healed, even after almost a decade. So then what is it? Is there really something out there which helps us tackle these situations? It boggled with my mind so much that I actually stopped eating my potatoes last night and went into deep analysis.
And then it finally struck me. The answer is us, the people. We are the remedy. The planet has over 7 billion people. Which would mean for someone to interact with even 1/7th of the entire population, it would take us a lifetime which would also mean that in one lifetime we will never run out of people to interact, bond, and socialize with. If we do manage to survive the initial phase of a breakup, we will fortunately enter the next phase, epiphany. This is the phase where we realize that there are other people in this world with whom we can connect. Even if we don’t want to jump into another relationship we can always talk to other people, make a connection with them. It is this amazing reality which hits us like a soft pillow and makes us perceive that there are so many people out there that we haven’t interacted with. Think about it, if time was really the healing factor then what would happen if there was no one around, a place where we are all alone. Would time still heal our scars? That’s a rhetorical question, you don’t really have to think of an answer here. Even if we don’t want to interact immediately, we can take our sweet time to do it later. We know that no matter how many people we know, there is always someone new, always. I think that’s how businesses work. Besides the price increase, the reason for their incremental revenue is that they keep adding new customers to their business every year. So if anyone of you is going through a breakup right now, you should know that time might not be so much of a healing factor as people glorify it to be. It is the certainty that there will always be someone new out there who could be your next point of interest.
Personally, there are people I know who have been with their significant other for several decades, happily committed and still going strong. And then I know those who usually give up when they stop feeling the “magic” or “passion” in their relationship. I will try to give an analysis from what I know, even though I am a novice when it comes to long term commitments.
I strongly believe that love is a choice. It’s not a pit that you fall into. It’s a decision you make. And it’s not a one-time decision either, it’s one you have to get up and make every morning. It’s a commitment, and while it does take strength, it’s worth it. When you think love and passion are the same thing, that is when you write a death sentence to your relationship. Mistaking passion for love is the reason so many relationships fail to survive today, the reason so many children grow up in broken families, often committing the same mistakes as their parents with the similar misconceptions.
If people think they no longer “love” someone, then I think they probably confuse love with passion. Passion is the pit that you fall into, the fire that gets kindled and rekindled. This mistake is surprisingly common. Personally, I blame romantic movies. They give people some extremely idealistic expectations and commonly use the word “Love” to define passion, emotions, sexual attraction, and apparently anything and everything but actual love.
Passion is what makes you look at them in admiration, it’s what attracts you to them, it’s all the feel-good that people lust after in a relationship. And like lots of things that feel good, passion is dangerous, addictive, momentary, and should be enjoyed, but with caution. It is intense, but often short-lived, and lacks the stability and relentless endurance of love.
Love is what empowers you to work for your relationship, instead of expecting it to come easily. It’s what allows them to help us navigate through the clusterfuck of emotions we feel transitioning to a new job or environment, even though in the moment we are not any kind of fun or exciting to be around. It’s what keeps you up for hours on end holding them when they are overwhelmed and inconsolable. Love, not the glamorized notion of a sizzling fleeting passion, but real, true, enduring love, is security. It’s the only thing that has the power to make a relationship last. If you abandon years of enduring love for a momentary lack of passion, you will look upon it with regret for the rest of your life.
So that’s why I strongly encourage people to revisit their decision and think if they are really mistaking love for passion. Its really important that they think about it.
And now that I have conveyed my point, I will get back to eating my potatoes and watch another episode of “Whose Line is it Anyway”. I am really starting to like Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, their comic timing and sense of humor is epic!